5+1 Things I Learned About Recruitment While Dating On Grindr 

Dating is just like recruiting.

First off, you don’t jump into dating and hope for the best… oh no, you adopt a multi-channel sourcing strategy to find the perfect candidate. You…

• Search various databases – and by databases, we mean the Tinders, Grinders, of course! basically, it’s like LinkedIn with slightly more nudes,
• Tap into networks as you surely have those friends who always know someone who’s “the perfect match” for you,
• Seek referrals because who can market you better than your pals, right?,
• Employ savvy advertisement techniques (stories and reels about every second of your wonderful single life)
• To thoroughly build your ever perfect… talent pool. 

Then comes the creation of your long-list of potential candidates. Your top of the funnel, so to say. 

You start running a careful pre-screening process (nice smile? swipe right!), and you suddenly find yourself in dating reality that’s part talent show and part behavior-based assessments – where ghosting is more common than feedback, and ‘we should do this again’ is the human equivalent of ‘we’ll be in touch’.

Every interaction is an interview, every date an assessment center, and with each message exchanged, you’re one step closer to extending your special offer. 

Yes, dating is just like recruiting, and if you’re a recruiter, I doubt you can run this process any differently.

Now, let me tell you, I was single for a few months last summer and I could not have enjoyed the chaotic merger of my professional and personal life more. I had numerous cases where, by the time I met my candidate, I had sourced everything about them, right down to the nickname of their first childhood pet. Sounds familiar, eh? 

But wait, I learnt more than that this time. There are 5+1 crucial insights that I actually learned about recruitment while dating. Spotlights, my friends, ready then? Drum roll, silence, and… scene!

1. Your Talent Pool Is Dynamic (And Tomorrow Is Your Best Friend) 

Some days the world treats you like you’re the star of the show, say Brad Pitt. Yup. And then, there are days when it seems your fan club has gone forever. Your pics? No likes. Your inbox? Empty; no replies, no new messages. It’s like you’ve turned inactive. As if Tinder has set your profile to ‘swipe left’ by default.

On these days, you might start to wonder if you’re the problem. Are you the one scaring everyone away?

But remember, if you’re everything on Monday and nothing by Wednesday, it’s probably not ‘you’ causing the problem. The talent scene is unpredictable, it’s constantly shifting, changing, moving—it’s dynamic, even on a daily or weekly basis.

Candidates who are unavailable today may decide to start looking tomorrow, and there’s this element of timing in our job that we can’t control or change. It took me twenty years of sourcing to understand (and accept) it: some searches just can’t be completed today. 

You can only attract or find those who are ready to be attracted or found. Even if you’re the greatest Sourcing Grandmaster, sometimes the perfect person isn’t yet visible on the market.

Florence (in Italy, where I used to live at that time) is a great example for this. The local “talent pool” is rather limited but the pool of tourists is insanely huge. It’s huge and changing usually on a weekly basis. And that’s how I met my wonderful new boyfriend who was visiting us from Paris!

Timing in sourcing, sometimes, is everything. 

And there’s always tomorrow, my dear sourcing friend. 

2. Are Your Requirements Real? 

Let’s get real for a second. Every search kicks off with a dreamy wishlist.

Tall and tan? Or pint-sized and peppy? Dangerously handsome or baby-faced? Emerald eyes? Oh, the catalog of dreams!

But then reality hits you. As you assess through your best candidates, you realize maybe, just maybe, not every ‘must-have’ is a deal-breaker. Sure, six-packs are great to look at, but honestly, some of the best nights have been with folks whose abs were more like one-big-pack than six.

Here’s a funny truth about searching for the one: we hang onto our dream list way too hard. The ‘perfect’ candidate on paper often remains just that—on paper.

We’ve got to tweak our checklist after a reality check. Can you do it?

Can you update your dream list without getting down on your ego?

Next time you work on a new position, pencil in a ‘Let’s Get Real’ follow up chat where you and your Hiring Manager say goodbye to the unnecessary requirements. Bring market reality closer to your hiring and achieve quicker and more satisfying recruitment. 

It’s like swiping right on common sense.

Do this: 

• You dream up the ideal candidate, someone who’s got it all
• You dive into the search, armed with hope and your laundry list of must-haves
• The market hits back. You learn what flies and what flops, and who’s actually into the idea of joining… your company
• You take a step back, tweak your wish list
• Restart the hunt, sometimes from scratch, now wiser and a bit more grounded
• The gem you find may not check every box, but they shine where it matters. That’s life (and talent acquisition) for you

Enjoy the hunt! 

3. Just Because You See It, It Does Not Mean You’ll Have It

This realization was perhaps the hardest for me: there can be millions of perfect Kens on these apps – but none of them is looking for you. Yes, they are there, actively searching for their better half; they are driven by the very same desire as you and yet, they are not looking for you. They are seeking someone else.

• How can you filter these Kens out of your search process to save more time and avoid unnecessary trauma?
• How can you be certain that none of them would ever change their mind and choose you?
• What is the best reaction when you come across such a profile?
• Simply carry on?
• Not even leaving a like? 

Understand that no one is meant for everyone. You have your own pool where you can fish successfully, and while you may be tempted to fish in different ponds, chances are you won’t be as successful.

Stop staring at LinkedIn profiles that won’t mirror your interest. It’s difficult and requires a significant amount of self-awareness, but it also saves time and leads to happiness in the long run.

Because you will find the one, don’t worry! Just set your search with realistic self-esteem.

4. You Need Who *YOU* Need

Trends influence our work and personal lives.

They shape our world, setting rules we often follow without even realizing it. They drive us, attempting to standardize almost everything we do.

Trends live in our minds, under our skin, breathing with us—you simply cannot escape them. Just look around! The ideal images of men and women are plastered everywhere, from billboards and social media to stock photos in executive presentation rooms.

It’s clear who the ultimate perfect match is. Everyone wants them.

But here’s the thing: Your ideal person, whether for a job or a relationship, might not fit that mold. You may not need the so-called perfect man or woman—and this applies to hiring as well.

• If your company is still working on basic digital integration, do you really need a digital nomad?
• If English isn’t spoken in your office, is it really necessary to make it a required skill?
• Maybe your team isn’t missing a strong player or leader. Could a senior professional excel in what’s traditionally a junior role?
• Do you really need a young person for a junior position?
• Or could a kind and caring woman be the strong, determined leader your team needs?

Trends offer comfort. They make us feel like we belong, like we’re part of the crowd. We follow the same path as everyone else.

But you need to be yourself. You need to build your own company.

Be bold. Live your own life. Keep building your one and only company.

5. Stick To Them

There is always more. More options, more dates, more happy hours. This one is good, but maybe an even better match will come along tomorrow.

This illusion of endless opportunities is a trap.

Some Hiring Managers never seem to want to close their positions. They love the hunt, the thrill of evaluating candidates, and testing their wish lists against the market. They revel in the excitement of the new—the smell of fresh meat, so to say… They always want to see more. Just a few more, please, just a few more comparisons.

If you find that your Hiring Manager (or yourself) is caught up in this illusion, set a rule: decide on a maximum number of candidates you’ll meet, and then make a decision. If you find someone among those candidates who stands out—go with them, unless there are serious red flags.

Remember, perfection is elusive, and waiting for the “perfect” candidate can mean missing out on someone who’s exactly what you need.

When you find someone who fits, who will do a great job, stick with them. Don’t let the endless search for something better make you lose sight of what’s already in front of you.

In hiring, as in life, there’s value in commitment.

And often, what’s missing can be built. Learned. Trained. Developed.

Once you’ve found someone who’s good enough, trust your instincts and move forward with them.

5+1 It’s A Rejection Business

And the last one, we all know too well: dating, like hiring, is a rejection business. It’s the most dreadful part of it. It feels awful to say no to someone who has expressed their interest in you.

Your empathy makes you feel guilty because you know you’re going to hurt them.

But this kind of hurt, these moments of disappointment, are unfortunately part of the process. And you get to decide how you want to play this game.

You.

Must.

Give.

Feedback.

To Your Candidates.

Don’t make them wait needlessly. If you know from the very first glance at their profile that they’re not the one—let them know. Let them move on.

Give them the gift of trying again somewhere else. It may sting for a moment to be rejected, but it’s better to know when it’s time to move on.

A rejection brings new hope, so offer them that hope. One day, you might find yourself in need of it, too.

Be the one, my friend. The nice one!

Thanks for reading!